Principles for life

This page is part of my digital garden. It is more like a notebook entry than a polished blog post. It's a space where I document learnings primarily for my own reference, yet share them in case they benefit others. Unlike my blog posts, these pages are works-in-progress and updated over time. Like tending to a real garden, I periodically refine its content. I welcome suggestions for improvements at dries@buytaert.net.

This page started as an email that I sent to my kids in 2013:

Dear Axl and Stan,

I'm writing this e-mail on the plane from Boston to San Francisco. Sadly, I don't get to spend a lot of time parenting you right now, so I'm writing you this long e-mail instead. It provides a list of things I wish I had known when I was 21.

You are still too young to read, but I hope you will read and re-read this e-mail when you're older. Keep a copy handy. Needless to say, I'm here to help you in person as well.

I wish I could promise you that life is going to be easy. I can't. However, I can promise you that it is really worth it, especially if you live by the following principles.

I love you,

Dad

Principles to live by daily

Exercise your brain continuously: keep it busy. Play chess or other strategy games. Write a journal. Keep your brain buzzing.
Travel as much as you can. My first trip to India blew my mind and changed me forever. Let's go anywhere together, especially if it gives us an opportunity to learn something new.
Food: Learn, experiment, try out, taste all different types of foods. I find it to be one of the greatest things in life.
Get exercise to be part of your weekly routine. I'm still not great at this myself, but I've seen the benefit. Being busy is a poor excuse.
Put good things between you and the earth: a quality bed, reliable shoes, a comfortable chair.
Learn about money early. Live below your means, save six months of expenses, then invest the rest. Passive income and financial independence gives you choices.
Embrace your emotions. Laugh when you can and allow yourself to cry when you have to. Sing out loud. Dance in the kitchen while doing the dishes. Laugh at stupid jokes until your stomach hurts. Cry. Crying doesn't mean that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive.
Music heals in ways nothing else can. When words fail, when logic breaks down, when you're lost or celebrating, music meets you where you are. Find the songs that speak to your soul and let them carry you through. If you're curious, here is a list with some of my favorite music. Most of these songs helped me in life.
Read as much as you can. I love reading biographies, business books and academic articles. More things will make sense to you when you read often.
Love the outdoors. The more you are out and away from your desk, the greater the chance of enjoying life. Get a good hammock or a camper van. One big enough for more than one person.
Don't take things personally. The hurtful things people say nearly always have far more to do with their own unhappiness than anything else. I've been dealing with criticism for many years; it gets easier over time, but can still hurt.
Seek to understand. Don't make assumptions. Don't assume you know what someone is thinking or why they're acting like they are. Ask and you'll nearly always find out that your assumption was wrong.
Work hard with purpose, but never hide in your work. When you're unhappy or stuck, working more won't fix the real problem. I've made this mistake many times. Direct your effort toward what matters, not just toward staying busy.
Go on holiday with your friends. You'll remember these holidays forever. I still remember every holiday with friends.
Take your time. You'll face many decisions and opportunities in life. When a decision is irreversible, give yourself time and space to think it through. When a decision is easily reversible, don't overthink it. If you feel pressure to act quickly, remember that urgency makes you easier to manipulate. Slow down, especially when the stakes are high.
Spend at least one year living in a foreign country. It will change the way you look at things and make you better at everything else you'll do in life.
Embrace what makes you different. The world doesn't need another copy of someone else. Every breakthrough, every innovation, every positive change came from someone who thought differently. Your unique perspective isn't a burden to hide; it's a gift the world needs.
Make your actions speak so loudly that people cannot hear what you are saying.
Deliver on your word. Your reputation is the only thing that will follow you throughout your entire life.
Be ambitious but realistic. Keep away from those that try to belittle your ambitions. Small people will do that. The really great people will make you believe that you too can become great.
Success doesn't come overnight. We tend to greatly overestimate what we can achieve in the next 10 months and greatly underestimate what we can achieve in the next 10 years.
Accept that life will hurt sometimes, and do what scares you anyway. Hard moments don't last forever, but they're where you grow. I have told myself many times "This too will pass". Stay patient in the darkness and grateful in the light. Take chances; they're the price of becoming who you're meant to be.
Easy experiences are comfortable but often forgettable. It is the hard experiences that bring meaning, growth, and lasting reward. Embrace challenges, because they shape who you become.
Your life will not turn out the way you expect it too, and in the end that is a good thing. I didn't know when I was 21 that I was going to start a company in Boston. Take your chances.
Always remember your privilege. Having the chance to chase your dreams is a privilege, not a guarantee. Not everyone starts from the same place or has the same opportunities. Honor your privilege by lifting others up and making their path easier. True success is not just reaching your own goals, but helping others reach theirs too.
Don't settle. In everything you do, keep your standards high. When it comes to the important things in life, the details are not the details.
Learn to say "no". In school, we are taught to complete every task, but later in life, it is important to know when to say no. It took me years to learn this. I even experienced burnout because I said yes too often. It is not just okay to say no; it is necessary. The clearer you are about your priorities, the easier it becomes to say no.
To advance in business, show up first, stay late, and outwork everyone else. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Not everyone can do this due to real constraints, but if you have that privilege and flexibility, use it.
You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.
Be real in what you choose to share. When you speak or write, tell the deepest truth you can within appropriate boundaries. Don't hedge with comfortable half-truths or say what people want to hear just to avoid discomfort.
If you present a problem, present a solution. Anyone can complain. Few people bother to think through what might actually fix it.
Focus on what you can control. Don't worry about what you can't control.
Apologize when you should. I hope you live a life that you are proud of, and that if you find that you are not, that you have the strength to apologize and start over again. Be good men.
Find out about your parents. They are way more interesting than you think. :)