Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a happy little Druplicon named Sven.
Sven loved living with all the other Druplicons. They were warm and friendly, and made wonderful strudel.
And then one day a giant came, and in his melodic voice he declared, "Fee-fi-fo-fruple... I think you'd look good on my new product, Drupal."
And just like that, the magical Druplicon Prince was taken... did I mention he was a prince? That's kind of important...
Anyways, the Druplicon Prince was taken, and carried off to a far away land where nobody pronounced their R's and people wore far too many graphic tee's. It was unbearable.
For years he suffered in silence as people walked by without addressing the poor Druplicon as "Your Majesty," or even tipping their hats. If it was possible, the Druplicon become increasingly blue with each passing day.
But then one morning, a mysterious stranger from WordPress appeared and whisked the sullen Prince away, leaving a very believable, and not at all rushed, replica behind. He (...or she...) has brought the Druplicon to safety, never to return... unless the following demands are met.
1) The Druplicon would like a hat. Not just any hat. He wants a really cool one like Kate Middleton. That girl knows how to accessorize!
2) The Druplicon wants children. Lots of little tiny adorable baby Lego Druplicons. He requires a fertile Lego female with natural blonde Lego hair. He can tell if it's fake.
3) The Druplicon wants to be dusted not once, not twice, but thrice per week. He has allergies.
4) The Druplicon would like to be on a pedestal. It is very intimidating being that low when you stand guard outside the office of someone so mighty and tall.
5) The Druplicon insists upon having every third Thursday off (or the fourth Thursday in a month with five Thursdays). He's heard great things about the Museum of Science and something called the "Freedom Trail."
6) He wants a pair of Lego glasses like Dries'.
7) He wants an unmarked Lego chopper and two Lego tickets to Blue Man Group. He feels a genuine yet inexplicable connection to those guys.
8) He would like to be seasonally decorated with holiday-appropriate Lego attire.
9) He wants ears. He finds Dries' accent soothing but can't hear it quite as well without ears.
10) He wants a Konami Codes command to turn all graphics on a site into random images of Druplicons and Druplicon derivative images.
11) Lastly, he wants a shot of whatever is in that hidden bottle of Cobra-infused something-or-other on Tom's desk.
More demands will follow if these demands are not met.
(That's not my real name. Seriously - how cruel would that be?)
As of 9:30 AM EDT, my demands have not been met, so I am adding another.
- The Druplicon would like to see a Broadway Musical with O'Keefe. He seems to be into that sort of thing. Anything but "Wicked." That word has lost all meaning to him since coming to Boston.
I am now posting all of my demands on Twitter @LegoDruplicon. Follow me for the latest developments.